


No Way Back

by hungrybookworm



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: F/F, Loss of Humanity, Spoilers for Forbidden Scrollery Chapter 25, Suicide Threats, Though you can probably still read it without knowing what happens in that chapter, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2015-03-20
Packaged: 2018-03-18 15:05:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3574163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hungrybookworm/pseuds/hungrybookworm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kosuzu oversteps the line, and loses her humanity.</p><p>Reimu has no choice but to get rid of her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Way Back

**Author's Note:**

> Touhou Project (c) ZUN/Team Shanghai Alice
> 
> A few things:
> 
> 1) As mentioned in the tags, this one shot's based off Chapter 25 of Forbidden Scrollery ([I've done a write up of what happens here, if you're curious](http://hungry0bookworm.tumblr.com/post/112707342301/forbidden-scrollery-chapters-24-and-25-write-up)). You can probably still enjoy it without reading the chapter beforehand, but a few things might seem a bit odd. To be honest I wasn't sure if I should post this asap, since the chapter isn't available in English as of writing, but I needed this fic out of my system.
> 
> 2) **This is a bad end story.** Things get pretty grim, even grimmer than _Rebirth_ and _Passing Memories_. You've been warned. This is also a fic where I wasn't sure if it was gen or not. In the end I went with tagging romantic pairings, but you can interpret them as platonic or romantic or however you wish really. (I like vague relationships, as you might've noticed...)

Youma books were amazing.

Kosuzu loved them; had loved them ever since she first laid eyes on one, when she touched its crisp parchment with her fingertips, and admired the way the calligraphy looped and curled with inhuman scripture. She’d longed to read them for years and years and years, and when her eyes finally focused, and saw meaning behind the scribbles and indecipherable patterns, it was like a gift she’d been waiting all her life for.

She read through her entire collection within a week. She devoured the contents, eyes tearing across the pages, barely stopping to breathe. Kosuzu learnt ancient youkai secrets, tales long forgotten in modern Gensokyo, a hundred million little details about the world, and things even the most educated youkai scholar would never uncover. And in the best youma books - the scrolls and tomes with the creepiest, darkest aura - she encountered lost youkai, curled up fast asleep between the pages. She took great pleasure in unsealing the harmless ones and watching them curl around her desk like smoke, basking in their relief and gratitude. She was a goddess to them, a saviour freeing them from years of captivity.

The power gave her a kick. 

Kosuzu collected more books. Her present collection was never enough, and she craved new additions. Her parents didn’t seem to mind her odd new hobby, but if she gushed about the books for too long Kosuzu noticed their expressions grow sour. If they suspected anything, they might confiscate her library, so she learnt to bite her tongue. Akyuu, her closest, most dearest friend, became her confidant. Together they would pore over the best books, Kosuzu reading the contents out loud, and Akyuu taking notes of her own, for possible later use in the Gensokyo Chronicle. They spend many happy afternoons like that, when business was slow or the nights drew in too early.

Every day was wonderful. There were happy things from beginning to end, and every morning brought newer, more wonderful events than the day before. Kosuzu had never been so content in all her life. She never wanted it to end. She prayed for her happiness to last forever.

Her euphoria drove her onwards, across all borders and barriers, and above her own limits. She could do anything, absolutely anything in the world. All she had to do was open a book.

And just like that, Kosuzu surpassed herself, and lost her humanity.

*****  
The Human Village was completely silent. A chilly blue mist lurked around the canal, and the grass on the bank glittered with morning dew. Reimu’s breath came out in tiny puffs of steam as she kicked against Suzunaan’s shutters. Once, twice, three times. Marisa was hunched over beside her, mini-Hakkero in hand and the sweat chilly against her skin. They had flown to the village as fast as they could, and they couldn’t afford to stop and catch their breath. Not if they wanted to finish this in time. Neither exterminator had any idea if Kosuzu was still in Suzunaan, or if her parents were awake or asleep, but the crash of boots against wood would attract attention sooner or later.

And if they rested, they might start _thinking_ , and then the whole miserable business would become ten times harder.

Finally, with one well timed strike, the shutters broke in half. There was a shriek inside the shop. “Now!” The debris was kicked aside and the two women rushed inside. There was no sign of Kosuzu – or her parents, or even, thankfully, Mamizou – but Hieda no Akyuu was standing in front of the desk, shaking violently, her hairpiece askew and her eyes wide with terror.

“Stay away!” There was a small, sharp knife in Akyuu’s hands. “Don’t come any closer!”

“Akyuu, what are you doing here?” Marisa dashed further forward, but was suddenly yanked to a stop. Reimu had grabbed her shoulder. “Hey!”

“Stand still.” Reimu’s voice was calm; her expression firm. “Akyuu, don’t.”

“I won’t let you kill Kosuzu!”

“Akyuu, put the knife down.”

“Never!” Akyuu sobbed. She held the knife up to her own neck, the edge catching in the light. “Come any closer and I’ll kill myself!”

“Come on!” Marisa couldn’t believe this. As if things weren’t horrible enough already. “Don’t even joke about that, you’re the Child of Miare!”

“You know the rules, Akyuu,” said Reimu. “This isn’t your place to meddle.”

“Of course I know the rules!” Akyuu almost laughed. “I’m the Child of Miare. I’ve seen this happen hundreds, no thousands of times, and I’m not going to let it happen again! Not to Kosuzu, not to my best friend. Not to the best friend I’ve ever had!”

“Then put the knife down.” It occurred to Reimu, then, that this was a stalling tactic. That Kosuzu might be far away from Suzunaan by now, and gaining distance with every second they wasted. The thought gave her hope. “Killing yourself won’t save Kosuzu.”

“Gensokyo needs me! If I die you’ll have to deal with the consequences, won’t you?” Tears ran down Akyuu’s cheeks. Her breath came out in sharp gasps. “But Gensokyo doesn’t need Kosuzu. She’s your friend, isn’t she, Reimu-san? Marisa-san? But here you are, ready to kill her, like she was never anyone important in the first place. Just another victim in Gensokyo’s perfect society!”

“Your job is to chronicle life in Gensokyo and its residents,” said Reimu, “and mine is to keep the peace. I’m the Hakurei shrine maiden. This is my duty. Now please.” Her expression softened. “Put the knife down, and step out of the way.”

“No!” Akyuu pressed the edge against her skin. A thin line of blood ran down her neck. “I’m serious!”

Marisa couldn’t stand and watch anymore. She panicked, lunged at Akyuu, and tackled her to the floor. Akyuu screamed, and the knife clattered to one side. “Reimu, quick!”

But Reimu was already sprinting behind the desk. She shoved the chair aside, and just as she feared, saw Kosuzu curled up beneath it like a cat.

There is nothing crueller than gaining hope, only for it to be snatched away moments later. Kosuzu hadn’t run away. She was right there, dressed as she always was, looking up at Reimu with a blank expression. The newborn youkai, Kosuzu Motoori, who had committed the greatest sin a human could imagine, now had to pay the price for it. Reimu felt cold despair wash over her. She wanted to grab Kosuzu by the shoulders and scream at her. _Why didn’t you run away? If you’d escaped from Gensokyo I wouldn’t need to do this!_

 _This is your punishment,_ said a voice in the back of her head. _Because you were too soft with her all this time._

“Reimu-san…” Kosuzu’s voice was barely audible. She lowered her head, and began to cry.

Reimu moved aside, to give her room to climb out. _I am not Reimu Hakurei right now,_ she thought. _I am the Hakurei shrine maiden, and I am here to do my job._ “Come on,” she said, holding a hand out. “I won’t let it hurt, I promise.”

It was the least she could do.

*****  
They left Suzunaan that afternoon, once everything calmed down. The sun was high in the sky, and Reimu and Marisa walked alongside each other in silence. Neither knew what to say, nor wanted to say anything in particular. There’d been a lot of things to do once the hardest part was over. Kosuzu’s parents had to be informed and comforted. Akyuu needed escorting home, and the situation explained to her servants. Reimu gave a written statement to the village police, and the crowd that gathered around the shop had to be dispersed. But now, finally, there was nothing left to do, so they walked back to the shrine with slow, heavy steps. The crunch of the gravel felt loud. The birds overhead were shrill and annoying. Spring was fast approaching, and the sky was a bright, endless blue. The seasons didn’t care much for Kosuzu.

Reimu sped up when they reached the torii gate. She marched over to the main room, and slid the door open. “Hey, slow down.” Marisa jogged a little to catch up, but Reimu didn’t look back at her. She stepped inside, and closed the door behind her. “Reimu, come on. Don’t be like that.”

“I want to be alone,” said Reimu. Her voice was the same level tone as before. “Leave me be.” Marisa heard her walk away from the door, further into the room. If this was any other day, Marisa would’ve followed her inside anyway, demanding to know what the matter was. 

But Kosuzu Motoori was dead. Reimu had killed her with her own hands. It was clear as day what the problem was. Youkai didn’t leave corpses – they crumbled away and disappeared. Marisa had seen Kosuzu crumble. Even the tiny bells on her head had faded into thin air. She’d felt Akyuu weaken in her arms at that moment, and a tiny whimper escape from her lips. 

Kosuzu had just stood there, and accepted her fate. Maybe she was aware of just how deep her sin ran. Maybe she’d never wanted to be a youkai in the first place.

The thought made Marisa light-headed. She turned her back to the main room and sat down on the porch. The air felt cold, suddenly, and she shivered. There was no point staying here. She knew she should pick up her broom and fly home, and try and get some rest. Anyone would need time to recover from this. But her body refused to move. She sat still, trembling with her head in her hands, hoping that no one would see her, and that no one would interfere.

She was going to remember that scene in Suzunaan forever, over and over, in her waking dreams and nightmares. Even now, when she closed her eyes, she could see Kosuzu’s tear-stained face as Reimu-

“Good afternoon.”

Marisa clenched her fists. She could hear the smug smile in Yukari’s voice as she stepped onto the porch. “A beautiful day, isn’t it?”

“…What do you want?”

“Nothing in particular.” She felt Yukari sit down, to her left. “I simply felt like paying a visit to the Hakurei Shrine.”

“Why don’t you go bother Reimu then?” Marisa quickly wiped her face with a sleeve, and looked up at Yukari. Just as she thought, the gap youkai was smiling. Marisa returned it with a glare. She wasn’t in the mood for playing around.

“And why would I want to bother Reimu after all her hard work this morning? She did her duty as the Hakurei shrine maiden. I have no reason to scold or admonish her.”

Anger flashed through her. “Don’t give me that bullshit. You’re the boss around here. You made up that rule about punishing humans who turned into youkai.”

“Maybe I did.” Yukari put a gloved finger to her chin, in contemplation. “Or maybe I didn’t. It was quite a while ago.”

“You forced Reimu to kill Kosuzu.” Marisa stood up, wanting to put distance between them. She was shaking again, this time with fury. Kosuzu’s face flashed through her mind once more. “One extra youkai in Gensokyo wouldn’t have made a difference, you know!”

“I wouldn’t expect someone uninvolved in the management side to understand.”

“And I wouldn’t expect you to understand what it’s like to have friends!”

“Temper temper.” Yukari was clearly amused. “Why are you so angry? Reimu always had the option of turning a blind eye. If anything she’s more pro-active about enforcing this particular rule than her predecessors.”

“I don’t believe for a minute she wanted to kill Kosuzu!” Marisa knew Reimu too well. “Those two got on really well, they were like sisters sometimes, how could you-”

“Goodness, you really are worked up this afternoon. Can I recommend some soothing tea?”

“Yukari!”

“All right, in that case, let me share my opinion with you.” Yukari spoke as though reciting from a book. “Perhaps Reimu feels concerned that, should someone closer to her turn into a youkai, she wouldn’t have the courage to exterminate them. If she can’t exterminate little Kosuzu Motoori, then how would she deal with, well, _bigger game?_ ”

Marisa didn’t like the way she phrased that. “…What do you mean?”

Yukari tilted her head, and gazed into her eyes. “Who do you think I’m talking about, ordinary _human magician_ Marisa Kirisame?”

A chill ran down her spine. “…No way.”

“It would be quite embarrassing if the Hakurei shrine maiden’s close friend stopped being human. Right under her nose too. She would certainly have to take responsibility.”

“I don’t plan to become a youkai magician!”

“I believe you attempted to make an immortality potion?”

“Yeah, and… I just wanted to see if I could!” Marisa hated this. “God, I touch a magic book and everyone thinks I’m gonna eat them. It’s the same all over Gensokyo.”

“Is that why you ran away from home?”

“That’s none of your business!”

“Your parents were afraid you’d become a youkai, and be exterminated by the Hakurei shrine maiden. And it would ruin their business, of course, if word got out about it, so they tried to stop you pursuing your interest in magic…”

“Shut up.”

“…But you were too stubborn, and ran away to the forest to bask in sin.”

“I said shut up!”

“Now now.” Yukari was unperturbed. “I admire your gall, spending every day at a youkai extermination shrine when you’re dabbling in youkai arts yourself. You say you want to stay human, but being human will only take your studies so far. Eventually you’ll grow tempted, maybe consider fleeing to Makai. Most of the magicians there were originally seeking asylum from Gensokyo, you know.”

“I told you I’m not interested in becoming a youkai.”

“A good thing you seem so fascinated by Reimu then. She can keep an eye on you every day of the week.” Yukari leant forward, and lowered her voice to a whisper. “I wonder what her face will look like, when the time comes to kill you?”

Marisa didn’t want to imagine it. “Are you done yet? I’m not in the mood to play around today.”

“Oh, of course.” Yukari leant back again, a teasing smile on her lips. “Go home whenever you wish. Don’t let me keep you.”

Marisa wasted no time. She had to get out of here, before her knees gave way or she punched Yukari in the face. She grabbed her broom, and set off for home immediately. Yukari watched her leave, letting her smile fade once the magician was out of sight.

Reimu would have to kill her. Marisa had known that from the very beginning. And that was exactly why she never planned to become a youkai magician. No matter how great the temptation or how necessary it was for her studies, she would never, ever cross that line.

She thought of Akyuu then, how she shook and trembled and whispered Kosuzu’s name so helplessly, and how Kosuzu had kept her gaze locked on Reimu the entire time, not glancing in their direction once. Marisa wanted to be sick. Cold sweat made her palms slippery against her broom.

She didn’t want the last thing she’d ever see in her short, foolish life, to be the moment her best friend broke.


End file.
